The True Marks of a Friendship

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
 
Four qualities of true friendship is that they tell you the truth, hold you accountable, are able to be confided in, and pray with you! The first quality is telling you the truth, whether you accept it or not. They do not hide the truth based on their concern of how you may feel. They do not lie to you out of jealousy or bitterness. Instead, they are honest because they care about you. Ephesians 4:14-15 says, “14That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; 15But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.” False friends and bad company will try to have you be carried away with every lie and deceitful act, but true friends speak the truth in love so that you may grow in Christ rather than be separated from Him! *The truth of the matter is that before you effectively evangelize and witness to people, you must first build a relationship with them. Just preaching at them every time you see them will cause a wedge in the relationship, and they may even turn away from you. Being the example of God more through your actions than words will make the greatest impact on them for Jesus Christ.

The second quality is that true friends will hold you accountable. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” They will not let you live anyway that you want to live and do anything that you simply want to do, but they will love with a tough love. If you are going down a path that can be destructive, they will warn you about it. They will do their best to guard your heart and mind, showing you things that you could not see for yourself. It is just like when God told Ezekiel that he was a watchman on the wall. If he saw an invading army coming, and he warned the people, but they did not take cover or prepare themselves, then blood was on their hands, but if he saw an army coming, but he did not warn, then all of the blood that would be shed would be on his own hands (Ezekiel 33:1-9). In the same way, true friends are like watchmen. They are not silent about trouble or potential sin, but they give warning in order to help and encourage you. They do not judge or condemn you, but they help you grow and mature naturally and spiritually! Not only that, but you hold them accountable as well. No one is perfect, and that open communication of accountability is crucial in building true lasting friendships and relationships. One must be open to handling any form of truth that is necessary in order to make him or her stronger in their faith.

The third quality is that true friends must be able to be confided in. They will not gossip about your issues, but they will listen and offer good and godly advice when necessary. Proverbs 16:28 says, “A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.” They will not share with others the personal details of your life that should remain confidential. However, that does not mean that they have to “cover up” every detail of your life. For example, if your best friend killed someone, it might not be the best idea to leave that one “covered up”. Nonetheless, you should be able to confide in others, as well as them confide in you. *The reason why some people do not develop solid friendships is because they have been hurt in the past and they have allowed it to play with their psyche to the point that they refuse to trust anyone now. God wants to give you great relationships in place of those you have had in the past, but you must confess to Him and allow Him to heal and deliver you from the hurt of your past. Not every relationship and friendship is the same. Be surrounded by godly people who you know live and walk in the truth both in and outside of the church so that you can be able to trust and confide in them!

For some reason, while Jesus was talking about the fig tree and having faith, which is a tree he cursed because it had leaves but no fruit, He speaks of forgiving others as God has forgiven you in context. Why does He do that? You are to cover others in prayer, love and encouragement, because just as God feeds and hungers for our fruit, so do others. They need it! Galatians 6:1, 2, 5 says, “1Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ…5For every man shall bear his own burden.” Many people in the church, when a fellow brother or sister falls into some publicly, humiliating sin, they immediately want to judge, condemn and reject them as lowly trash. Instead of trying to help, encourage and edify, they just want to tear down because they get a fix from bringing people down lower than what they are. We have seen many people throughout the years fall into some major sin in the church, especially through Christian teaching. The reason revolves around them building themselves up in their own pride till where they think they are untouchable and too big for sin. However, when that pride eventually humbles them, it is up to the church to restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, realizing that you to can fall into that very same temptation. We are here to cover each other in a spirit of meekness and love by bearing one another’s burdens. Verses 2 and 5 almost sound like that they contradict each other, but they really do not. What Paul was saying here was that we are to help carry one another’s burdens, but do not forget that you have your own burden and responsibilities to bear. We are not in this fight alone, but we are to help carry one another.

There may even be moments where you need to confess to someone what you have done, or someone trusts you with their confessions, but when you confess, make sure the person is trustworthy and God-fearing, but when they confide in you, keep a lid shut on it and pray about it. They reveal it so you can cover them in prayer, not misjudge them! Proverbs 17:9 says, “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” We must cover each other in love and confidence and not try to slander and tear down. Confession has power to bring freedom, and it should never create bondage for a person’s life as something to hover over their head for the rest of their lives. If it has been confessed and repented of, then it is forgiven! James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” We are to confess and then pray for one another so those emotional and physical scars can be healed. There is power in confession because it frees you from the struggle that rests with in so that you do not have to hide your failures or mistakes any longer. Proverbs 28:13 says, “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” When you try to hide your sins within yourself, you will not prosper or have success in life, when you confess them to God and friends who can pray for you, encourage you, and refuse to gossip about you, then you will have the strength necessary to forsake them so that God will give you the mercy you need to overcome those sins from your past. His mercy cannot cover something that is not confessed, but it is when you confess it that you can find healing. We are to not just say one prayer and then forget about it, but we are called to pray fervently and unstoppably so the breakthrough can come. We have to trust one another and pray as each other’s covering so that we can have each other’s back in faith!

This leads me to the fourth quality, which is pray for one another. True friends pray for each other, standing the gap for them, especially in dire needs. True friends will storms hell’s gates in order for their friend to get a breakthrough of deliverance that they so desperately need. They will not leave them by themselves to fend for themselves, but they will fight with them no matter what.